So we meet again...

Since Monday night, Billy & I have been here in the hospital. 

Billy received a message from his doctor telling Billy he need to be admitted to the hospital to receive IV antibiotics to treat his UTI.  

So right now, I lay in this cold room, watching Golden Girls & listening to Billy snore his head off. This man has been sleeping ALL day & I'm just here, watching tv, playing with my phone. Just trying to keep myself occupied. 

Which was a complete failure...

It's nice to relax, but I hate the situation. I'm use to always being on the move. 

But hell I'm not complaining. 

 Went to OSU's gift shop & spotted a new Duck Commander book titled "Faith Commander". 

  You know I had to get it!

Haven't really got to read it yet. Probably read 2 pages and I was out. I've been sleeping a lot since we've been here :)

 But, I'm super excited to relax & just read. 

Almost! Everyone knows I'm obsessed with Duck Dynasty/ Duck Commander. The Robertson family is just an inspiration to me. I just can't get enough of them. You just don't see a family like theirs on American television anymore & it's really nice. 

Did I just sound old?!?

Well, I think I'm going to "try" & get some sleep.

GOODNIGHT Ladies & Gents!

  xoxoxo 

Proceed to Succeed

    This morning as I layed in bed all cuddled up in my little cocoon,
I started reflecting back on all my accomplishments I have accomplished this past year.
 To be honest, I never thought I would be able to get this far. I'm amazed!
I say that because my Anxiety and Depression at times take control of my body.
I never thought I would be able to work nor even drive a car, but guess what, I am!
&& It's feels amazing!!!!

My biggest motivators is Billy & the Lord Jesus Christ;

Without either of them, Where would I be today?
I wouldn't be
I'm going to be honest, right now I would probably be 6 feet under.
I hit a real hard spot in my life, and when I say hard spot I mean HARD.
It was like being hit with a ton of bricks.

I was on the edge of suicide :(

but, IM BETTER NOW!

I live for My Lord Savior everyday.
He has a plan for each and everyone of us.
When times get you down and you feel you have nowhere to go, or anyone to talk to,
turn to him and pray your heart out. He is always there to listen.


  A couple weeks ago someone told me I should start meditating, to help ease my body
and just help with my panic attacks.
I was iffy about it, I guess you could say I just didn't really understand the concept.

 Well,  I YouTubed Meditation & I watch a video.  I'm now HOOKED
I can't really explain how amazing it really is, it's just AMAZING! okay? :)

  Since i started meditating, I don't know what came across me, but now I search for peace and just a place where I can let loose. I guess you could say. Just a place where I can get all my stress off my shoulders.

&& Be Free...

  I'm becoming more in love with mother nature.

I love listening to storms
I love watching the river flow
I love exploring new areas

We wouldn't have any of these things if it wasn't for God.

Something that made me smile today :)
I have the greatest man <3

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 14:27

Saying Goodbye

Heaven received a beautiful angel!

I know you aren't hurting anymore.

I Love You & Miss You

Rest in Heave Aunt Cheryl 

7.28.1963-4.29.2014

In Need of a Break...

    Since April 10th as y'all know my Grandma has been in the hospital.
It's May 8th & she is still not home.

Last Monday she was moved to a rehab facility.
it's legit a minute away from my house :)
But, everyday i have been there to support her & just keep her company.
Each day is different but, she is improving each day little by little.

Each day I pray harder & harder.
She is such a fighter & I want to be by her side the whole way to help her chug her way up that hill.

Almost every night i'll stand by her bed & just rub her head for hours.
It just calms her and helps her relax.
Sometimes she just wants me to hold her hands :)
{it's the little things, that matter the most}

No one likes seeing their loved ones sick nor in pain,
It's the worst thing in the world but, NEVER let them see your emotions because it will take a toll on them.

Browsing Facebook the other night & I ran across a scripture that was just perfect for this time.

"God will carry you through the storm"- Isaiah 43:2

More bad news hit my family unexpectedly...

My Aunt Cheryl passed away unexpectedly.
Words can explain how i felt.

Cheryl is my mom's sister.
We weren't really close to her for different reasoning.
Last year, I went to Dollar Tree & found out she was working there,
every time i came in she gave me the biggest hugs & always told me how beautiful i was.

I'm not going to lie, I did go up there just to see her.
& then...
one day i went in there & i asked one of the ladies when Cheryl was working next,
the lady told me she moved to Cincinnati.
I was heart broken because i didn't know when i would see her again.
Never thought the next time i would she her is when she is laying in a casket.

My Aunt showing is this Saturday & to be honest i don't know how i'm going to handle it.
All I can do is pray and ask God for strength.

Last thing, I PROMISE.

This past Saturday, My Great Aunt (Grandma's Sister) had a massive Stroke.
We found out today they are only giving her a couple weeks.

I mean do you see why i need a break?
Can't handle anymore.

Just please keep my family in your prayers. PLEASE

Power of Prayer

Past couple weeks has been hard.
My Grandma was admitted into the hospital 2.5 weeks ago & is still there :(
she has Pneumonia & problems with CHF (congestive heart failure)

Since October, she has been living in a assist living home. (it's what she wanted)
Her health has been declining ever since Poppy died in 2012.
She has lost a lot weight & countless other things.

While she has been in the hospital, the doctors found tumors in her stomach,
we aren't sure if they are cancerous but, the doctor thinks they are just fatty tumors.

Don't worry we are still getting them tested!

This past weekend she was suppose to get discharged and transferred to a rehab facility for therapy because she is just beyond weak.

Well, that didn't happen!

This Morning I wake up to bad news. (best thing first thing in the morning, NOT)
My dad informed me they had to give her 2 pints of blood because she is losing blood
somewhere and her whole body is very swollen.
She then received 2 more pints of blood tonight!

So much is going through my mind these past couple weeks.
I'm absolutely terrified!

The other day i went to see her and she told me she talked to God and he said he was ready for her.
How am i suppose to feel about that?

Tears just flooded my eyes...

Please keep my Beautiful Grandmother in your prayers!
My Family & I would deeply appreciate it & also will Grandma.

I Love You Granny!

it's the little things in life

This morning as i'm sitting at the kitchen table i see this:

I teared up because that is such an amazing that she can connect with right now!

Forgot to mention in my last post, the other day I purchased Demi Lovato's book Staying Strong, 

I wanted my mom to read a bit of it. She fell in love!

So i just gave it to her because i knew she really needed something uplifting her spirits.

Shockingly, she is really keeping up with it, day by day :)

it makes me feel amazing that i can do stuff like this for her.

GOD, LOVE HER

Low times...

These past four days have been exhausting.
My Mom has a Herniated Disc in her lower back.
She has been on multiple medications including a pain patch named Fentyl.

The other day my Mom was not able to keep anything down, Not even her pills,
it went on for 3 days [give or take] because she is a stubborn mule & refused to go to the hospital.
 But, she finally gave in because it was just starting to be too much for her.

I'm not going to lie I've cried about everyday because i just have so much fear.
I'm terrified of losing my Mom,
 I'm still working on dealing with the lost of my Poppy, his death happened so fast
& we had no time to process anything.
So yes I'm terrified of something like that happening again.

anyways on with the story...

We found out the Fentyl pain patch, my mom used was hurting her.
She had signs of Fatal Respiratory depression!
Mom was wheezing.
I kept telling her to cough & she said "I've tried nothing is there, that the problem."

BYE BYE FENTYL!!!

Since she has been off the patch which today makes day #4
she has been going through withdraws.

• shakes
• hot
• cold
• anxiety
• nightmares
• PAIN!

the list goes on! 

How long will this continue??

it's 11:03pm right now
this is the first night my mom has not had any problems going to sleep.
[KNOCK ON WOOD]

sitting here in the kitchen till i know it's safe to go to bed.
Her problems have been happening around this time every night.
sooooo, my fingers are crossed.

Today she got pampered.
got her nails done
eyebrows waxed
and just relaxed.

I had to take a pics :)

I LOVE YOU MOMMA SOOO MUCH!!!!

THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY & IT'S ALMOST OVER.

KEEP FIGHTING!!!

 Please keep her in your prayers through this hard time.

THANK YOU!