Good Morning Everyone!

I hope everyone's day is starting off well. Mine on the other hand is iffy.
Yesterday Billy was admitted to OSU Medical Center once again with Pneumonia, this time it is in both of his lungs. He is really miserable at the moment and I hate it, I feel helpless because I don't know what I can do to make him feel better :( I really need to get the doctors to find a way to help him with his chest congestion and all the sinus problems he has everyday. Billy keeps talking about wanting to get a trach back in. I'm scared for that because what he fails to understand, a trach comes with its cons itself like infections & skin breakdowns. They really need to find a solution to this problem as soon as possible or we might very much so turn to getting a trach.

Please keep Billy in your prayers! We would deeply appreciate it. Ill keep everyone updated.
God Bless!

My Letter to Poppy:

Today marks one month since you passed away. To be honest, I hate this. I Miss You & my life just isn't the same anymore. I Miss the stupid little things you did, like make faces behind Grandma's back when she's yelling about something or you just having the tv super loud. My favorite time we spend together was when we would eat Peanut Butter & Jelly toast & watch Bob Ross at 12:30 everyday. No matter what we was doing I just loved spending time together.

Everyday I hope your looking down on me & I'm making you proud. I'm getting my drawings together so I can go to art school. Thank You for never giving up on me, yeah I know I had my rough patches but you never doubted me one bit, you motivated me to push toward the things I love. Not only am I doing it for myself but I'm mainly doing it for you. I know haven't been myself & I'm sorry Everytime I cry or just get depressed, I know your not wanting me to be that way but I just don't know what to do. That day when your doctor came in an said you had Prostate cancer that spread to your bones, you was naive & I was too. I never had time to have it all set in that you was really sick. The day when you died it hit me hard & to be honest I don't know when I will be my same ole self again. My heart is broken in tiny pieces. I Miss hearing you say "hi Baby" when I walk through the door

I Love You Poppy!! RIP

This is a can't sleep post!

I'm laying here all curled up in my blankets with Chance (my Dog) & I can't sleep for the life of me.

I can't stand when I get home from Billy's I can't sleep a wink but when I'm at Billy's it a whole different story. I sleep like a freaking baby. I mean come on! Billy always says he doesn't get why I'm like that, not being able to sleep at home, I always tell him it's because I just feel safe with him. Billy gives me the same response every time, "like I'll be able to protect you if something happens". I mean he has a point but I do too. It's just being in his arms or just being around him in general makes me have no worries at all, I feel safe! It's the best feeling EVER.

These past couple months, Billy has absolutely been my Prince Charming, he has done nothing but been by my side as much as he could be with all the stuff I've been dealing with, with Poppy being diagnosed with Prostate cancer in the beginning of October & then to me losing Poppy last week. It's been a roller coaster ride for me, we'll him too. He never gave up on me though. Even though my engagement ring broke in this whole situation :(
Some way I'm going to repay him.

Since Poppy died, I've been lost, just completely confused about everything. It's definitely something i'll have to get use too, but how do you do that? I feel like me crying is just a sign of weakness & I'm letting the devil get to me. I'm constantly thinking that I have to be strong & optimistic for God. As the days go on, I realize I'm only human, I'm not perfect. The only one that's perfect is God. I'm always looking at the pictures in my phone of Poppy, & I guess me doing that will bring him back but I know it's not.

I'm not going to lie, I wonder everyday if he's looking down on me. I really want to get Teresa the "Long Island Medium" to do a reading for my family. I think getting her would put my mind at rest & give me some closer. That lady is definitely good at he job. She has a year waiting list.
Well I'm going to try to get some sleep! Talk to you all soon :) God Bless <3

HAPPY VETERANS DAY
  
           First off i want to say Thank You to the men & women who has served our country & who is currently serving. Without you guys the US would not be the way it is today.
      I want to say Thank You to my Poppy, who is in heaven, my cousin Vinnie, who is currently serving in Afganistan, & my Step Brother Corey who is also currently serving. These 3 men are the strongest men I've known... Love You Guys & miss you soo much xoxo

                            
          

Isaiah 57:1-2. The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart; the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.

I Love when i end my nights spending quality time with my Grandma. Today we laid my Poppy to rest. On Friday, my Poppy (grandpa) passed away after Losing his battle with Prostate/Bone Cancer. He was surrounded by everyone who loved him dearly. Poppy was such an incredible man. I looked up to him so much, Not once did he judge me, he supported me with any decisions I made or wanted to make. One of my favorite memories with Poppy was watching Bob Ross together while eating Peanut Butter & Jelly Toast. He would always say "Baby, I know you can do that", it just made me feel so good. I'm struggling bad with all this because it happened so fast. He was diagnosed with all this the beginning of October, it took him too fast. But I know he's in a better place now & not struggling. He definitely fought his hardest & I seen it in his eyes. I need to keep in mind that even though he isn't on earth, he's always going to be in my hearts <3

I LOVE U POPPY! RIP. I Miss U soo much. Thank You for believing in me when no one else did. Your my everything. GoodNight MUAH

Wow!! I can't believe we are already in November. Which means 52 days till Christmas. Yay!!!

First off I just want to say that Billy & I send our prayers out to everyone on the east coast, who was hit by Hurricane Sandy Monday night. Even though we aren't on the coast, Ohio definitely got a feel of Sandy too. Winds were up to 50mph or maybe even higher. Thousands are without power to this day. Billy & I are really thankful that we were the lucky ones that didn't lose power. I'm hoping every who was effected by the storm are in a safe shelter until they can receive help. Our hearts go out to each and every one of you.

It has definitely been a while since I've posted something on here, my life has been pretty crazy.
These past couple weeks I've learned a lot. Lets just say it was definitely an eye opening experience.

On October 4th, my Poppy (grandpa) was complaining of severe bad pain, Poppy is not the type of guy who really shows emotions and he doesn't have any kind of like for hospitals nor doctors. We knew something was really wrong when he wanted my dad to take him to the hospital.
Cutting to the chase, Poppy was diagnosed with Prostate & Bone cancer. We found out that he has been actually fighting it now for 3 years, but no one knew neither did he. The news really hit hard & just so fast. My family was in a complete frenzy.
My Grandfather is 83yrs old, with his age he wouldn't be able to handle chemo or radiation. The only option was for him to get ejections every 6 wks. My Grandpa is my everything. He gets me & supports me all the way, no matter what it is. I just can't imagine my life without him. Just knowing he's going through all this just breaks my heart. I just want to take it all away from him, but I know I can't. All I do know is that I'm going to be by his side through this fight. He's not going to be doing it alone.

My Family & I would deeply appreciate it if everyone could keep him in your prayers. I'm not ready to lose my Grandpa & I'm not going to let it happen.

Honestly, Poppy getting sick all fast like this, really had me thinking crazy things. I started doubting God. I was ashamed of myself for doing such a thing but I just didn't understand why it had to be Poppy.
Thursday night Billy was taken to the hospital by squad, he was not feeling good at all. Doctors found Pneumonia in his lung and they admitted him. The whole time Billy was in there, we prayed & just watched the Christian channels & it really made me open my eyes that I'm letting the devil get to me , way too much. I was in need of changing that right away & decided I'm going to live for God. I'm going to change my ways. Poppy is in God's hands & so was Billy. I just had to put more faith into him & that's what I'm going to continue doing. If it wasn't for God, I wouldn't have been able to fight cancer when I was a baby. God has a plan for us. He will never give us something that he knew we wouldn't be able to handle. Billy is home now & is doing just fine. It's amazing how powerful prayer can be.

Count your blessings...