This is a can't sleep post!

I'm laying here all curled up in my blankets with Chance (my Dog) & I can't sleep for the life of me.

I can't stand when I get home from Billy's I can't sleep a wink but when I'm at Billy's it a whole different story. I sleep like a freaking baby. I mean come on! Billy always says he doesn't get why I'm like that, not being able to sleep at home, I always tell him it's because I just feel safe with him. Billy gives me the same response every time, "like I'll be able to protect you if something happens". I mean he has a point but I do too. It's just being in his arms or just being around him in general makes me have no worries at all, I feel safe! It's the best feeling EVER.

These past couple months, Billy has absolutely been my Prince Charming, he has done nothing but been by my side as much as he could be with all the stuff I've been dealing with, with Poppy being diagnosed with Prostate cancer in the beginning of October & then to me losing Poppy last week. It's been a roller coaster ride for me, we'll him too. He never gave up on me though. Even though my engagement ring broke in this whole situation :(
Some way I'm going to repay him.

Since Poppy died, I've been lost, just completely confused about everything. It's definitely something i'll have to get use too, but how do you do that? I feel like me crying is just a sign of weakness & I'm letting the devil get to me. I'm constantly thinking that I have to be strong & optimistic for God. As the days go on, I realize I'm only human, I'm not perfect. The only one that's perfect is God. I'm always looking at the pictures in my phone of Poppy, & I guess me doing that will bring him back but I know it's not.

I'm not going to lie, I wonder everyday if he's looking down on me. I really want to get Teresa the "Long Island Medium" to do a reading for my family. I think getting her would put my mind at rest & give me some closer. That lady is definitely good at he job. She has a year waiting list.
Well I'm going to try to get some sleep! Talk to you all soon :) God Bless <3

HAPPY VETERANS DAY
  
           First off i want to say Thank You to the men & women who has served our country & who is currently serving. Without you guys the US would not be the way it is today.
      I want to say Thank You to my Poppy, who is in heaven, my cousin Vinnie, who is currently serving in Afganistan, & my Step Brother Corey who is also currently serving. These 3 men are the strongest men I've known... Love You Guys & miss you soo much xoxo

                            
          

Isaiah 57:1-2. The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart; the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.

I Love when i end my nights spending quality time with my Grandma. Today we laid my Poppy to rest. On Friday, my Poppy (grandpa) passed away after Losing his battle with Prostate/Bone Cancer. He was surrounded by everyone who loved him dearly. Poppy was such an incredible man. I looked up to him so much, Not once did he judge me, he supported me with any decisions I made or wanted to make. One of my favorite memories with Poppy was watching Bob Ross together while eating Peanut Butter & Jelly Toast. He would always say "Baby, I know you can do that", it just made me feel so good. I'm struggling bad with all this because it happened so fast. He was diagnosed with all this the beginning of October, it took him too fast. But I know he's in a better place now & not struggling. He definitely fought his hardest & I seen it in his eyes. I need to keep in mind that even though he isn't on earth, he's always going to be in my hearts <3

I LOVE U POPPY! RIP. I Miss U soo much. Thank You for believing in me when no one else did. Your my everything. GoodNight MUAH

Wow!! I can't believe we are already in November. Which means 52 days till Christmas. Yay!!!

First off I just want to say that Billy & I send our prayers out to everyone on the east coast, who was hit by Hurricane Sandy Monday night. Even though we aren't on the coast, Ohio definitely got a feel of Sandy too. Winds were up to 50mph or maybe even higher. Thousands are without power to this day. Billy & I are really thankful that we were the lucky ones that didn't lose power. I'm hoping every who was effected by the storm are in a safe shelter until they can receive help. Our hearts go out to each and every one of you.

It has definitely been a while since I've posted something on here, my life has been pretty crazy.
These past couple weeks I've learned a lot. Lets just say it was definitely an eye opening experience.

On October 4th, my Poppy (grandpa) was complaining of severe bad pain, Poppy is not the type of guy who really shows emotions and he doesn't have any kind of like for hospitals nor doctors. We knew something was really wrong when he wanted my dad to take him to the hospital.
Cutting to the chase, Poppy was diagnosed with Prostate & Bone cancer. We found out that he has been actually fighting it now for 3 years, but no one knew neither did he. The news really hit hard & just so fast. My family was in a complete frenzy.
My Grandfather is 83yrs old, with his age he wouldn't be able to handle chemo or radiation. The only option was for him to get ejections every 6 wks. My Grandpa is my everything. He gets me & supports me all the way, no matter what it is. I just can't imagine my life without him. Just knowing he's going through all this just breaks my heart. I just want to take it all away from him, but I know I can't. All I do know is that I'm going to be by his side through this fight. He's not going to be doing it alone.

My Family & I would deeply appreciate it if everyone could keep him in your prayers. I'm not ready to lose my Grandpa & I'm not going to let it happen.

Honestly, Poppy getting sick all fast like this, really had me thinking crazy things. I started doubting God. I was ashamed of myself for doing such a thing but I just didn't understand why it had to be Poppy.
Thursday night Billy was taken to the hospital by squad, he was not feeling good at all. Doctors found Pneumonia in his lung and they admitted him. The whole time Billy was in there, we prayed & just watched the Christian channels & it really made me open my eyes that I'm letting the devil get to me , way too much. I was in need of changing that right away & decided I'm going to live for God. I'm going to change my ways. Poppy is in God's hands & so was Billy. I just had to put more faith into him & that's what I'm going to continue doing. If it wasn't for God, I wouldn't have been able to fight cancer when I was a baby. God has a plan for us. He will never give us something that he knew we wouldn't be able to handle. Billy is home now & is doing just fine. It's amazing how powerful prayer can be.

Count your blessings...

This adorable family is my cousin Vinnie & his cute little family. 

My Cousin Vinnie is in the Air Force & they are currently live in South Carolina.

These pictures were taken today before Vinnie got deployed again!

I'm so proud of what my cousin and all they other men & women do for our country. 

  Please remember to keep each & everyone of them & their families in your prayers because they are all out there for us and our country!!

God Bless!

Good Morning everyone!!!

It's the first day of October... I love this time of the year. The leaves are falling and it's time to pull out the hoodies. I really can't wait to carve pumpkins, Geesh I have not done that since I was little. Billy & I plan on doing it next weekend. So it's exciting.

Tomorrow I get to see my God Daughter Amaiya! I'm wanting to do some crafty things with her since its her first Halloween & I want to surprise her momma. She'll love it. I'll definitely will be posting pics on here, but also follow me on Instagram. I'm on there 24/7 ;) (bmh3artsbg10)

Everyone be safe & have a bless day. I'm going to finish watching Joyce Meyer and get on with my day :) <3