Usually about now we would be making Christmas cookie in Grandma's kitchen with Christmas music on the radio. My favorite thing to do this time of year.
Since my Grandpa passed away in November 2012, I've been lost. Tried hard to get a grip on life but, MAN! it's difficult. I was never the one to let my emotions show how much I was struggling for my Grandma's sake, I had to be strong for her. Now BOTH of my Grandparents are gone.
My Grandma passed away September 13th of this year. It was fast and I didn't have enough time to prepare myself. When she had her Stroke in April I spent everyday with her. Depression kicked in and it scared me. Never have I seen my Grandma so down nor have I ever heard her talk the way she was talking. She thought the family didn't care about her and she was so scared of dying alone. She never wanted to be alone and Damn it! I was not going to let her. Everyday when I got off of work I would head to the rehab facility my Grandma was staying. Some days I had to make pit stops to get our Frozen Hot Chocolates from Tim Hortons or Milkshakes from Mickey D's. The nurses told me almost everyday how she tells them that she looks forward to see me and that she loved me spoiling her. After Grandma's stroke it was terribly hard to get her to eat, Everything tasted gross to her and she said it didn't taste the same to her anymore. So, thats when the junk food came in. Of course she would eat that.
My Grandma was a diabetic and that sadly did not stop her from eating her junk food. When she got to the point she wouldn't eat anything, I fattened her up with Shakes & hot chocolate. Sorry frozen
hot chocolates! Before buying her the junk, I definitely asked the nurses if it was okay. They said she can have whatever, as long as she ate something. Every night we would watch Family Feud at 7pm. Grandma had a thing for Steve Harvey. :)
I cherished those times and I would give anything in the world to be able to be with her & my Grandpa again. Till this day I have refused to watch Family Feud. That was me and Grandma's thing. I also refuse to watch Bob Ross. My Grandpa & I would watch it everyday at noon. My Grandpa always told me "Look Baby, You can do that." My Grandparents was so supportive with me and my drawings, but I kinda gave up art after my Grandpa died.
I miss drawing and painting. To be honest, I don't understand why I quit. Grandpa would definitely be disappointed in me and wouldn't want me to give up my dreams. Lately I've been working on pushing myself back to it. It's going to take time.
Sometimes I ask God why did he have to take them away from me.
Yes, I know Heaven needed two beautiful angels but why couldn't they be vampires and just live forever?
After My Grandma died, I was kinda at peace. My Grandparents are back in each others arms.
My family and I teased about what Poppy said when Grandma went to Heaven. We said Poppy was at Heaven's gates saying "I'd be a son of a bitch" and Grandma would be yelling "let me in fuck up man." They were so comical together. Poppy always tormented Grandma, It was just the greatest.
Everyday I struggle with my Grandparents deaths. It still just doesn't feel real. My Best Friends are gone and I'm left here dazed and confused. You remember when you were a child at the park, trying to walk up the slide and then sliding back down because you just couldn't make it to the top? That's exactly how I feel when I try to get a grip on life now without them here. I pray everyday for comfort or signs from them just to know that they are okay & with me.
This New Year I'm going to live to the fullest for them. Things are going to be different.
I Love You Grandma & Poppy to the moon & back forever & always
When my Poppy was alive, he collected any coins he seen lying around inside or out, he didn't care. Poppy always said "it all adds up in the end." Well, after he died I always found pennies heads up and they always just popped out of nowhere. I took that as a sign from heaven and that Poppy was with me. I made sure I picked each one up and kept them. Since Grandma died I have not found one penny heads up, there is always two pennies heads up together. Yesterday I found two sets.
